To Break
by jm-oc-ja
Summary: JJ's sister wasn't the only one she lost when she was younger and she never got to grieve. Emily/JJ. Death but not main characters.


When you were a kid, you never knew how something so small could change your life forever. You knew people died, and saw some of your older relatives die. older as in you lost both your great grandparents on your dad's side in 6 months, later when you're in your teens, one of your aunts tells you it was 6 months to the day. You didn't realize that at 11 your whole world would stop turning when you walked into your sisters room just a few days after she gave her favorite necklace, and told you she loved you, that you found her, hanging. You didn't understand when you parents wouldn't answer your questions, you finally had to rely on your brother who was only 13 to help you. He told you it was going to be like your great grandparents, that you could always talk to her but she'd never speak back again. The day of the funeral, you hear your grandma, on your mom's side because they are much more religious than your dad's side, say that your sister sinned and was going to go to hell. You had to leave the room, you cried in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes before your cousin came in, she was your sisters age. She picked you up and held you to her as you cried, she cried along with you but you hadn't really noticed.

Your family rarely visited your mom's family, your mother could never forgive her mother for saying those things about her daughter. When you see your grandmother in the store once your 16 and you still carry around a lot of hate for the woman. She spots you and tries to embrace you in a hug, you push her away and say 'if she was a sinner than I pray to god that he views me just as much a sinner as her because I would rather be in hell beside her than heaven besides you.' you walk away head held high and jaw set, your older brother just smirks and wraps his arm around your shoulder whispering 'good job' in your ear.

When your 18, still a child in your own eyes, your sitting in the back seat of the truck with your best friend as your dad drives the family up to his mother's place. Its on a lake and for the fourth of July you will be in heaven, you take one last look at your phone and turn it off, thinking 'nothing can happen in 4 days.' You had a great four days. When you get back into the cell area, you turn it back on. That's when you get them, the voice mails saying another one of your loved ones is hurt, killed, or dead. It takes you three days to find out that she's laying in a hospital because she pulled the trigger. It takes another five weeks for her to come out of the coma, she still after years hasn't spoken to you.

Now your in your late 20's and on a plane back to D.C. from some small town where kids were killing themselves. The case hit you harder than normal, you told Hotch about your sister and after getting your coffee, you take the seat next to Emily. You never told anyone about your sister once you hit college, no one needed to know, though it did win you scholar ships to certain colleges, you just didn't take them up on it. You look over at Emily now wishing you had told her, not just because she's your lover, but she's your best friend, your comforter. You just watch her face as she starts to sleep, every detail being burned into your mind, for fear that one day she wont be home for you. You're pulled from your detail burning by Spencer.

"JJ…"

"Hey." You smile weakly at him.

"You've been crying."

"It's been a rough case." He smiles and nods, the reasoning being enough for him.

"I'm here for you if you ever…."

"I know Spenc." You smile at him again. "I'll be fine."

"Alright." He goes back to the little star puzzle in front of him. Emily had a few of them, some done some not, but she always gave them to you when she could get them right. It always made her so proud that she could do them. You curl up into her side and slowly fall asleep.

A few days later, you're still on the break that Hotch forced everyone to take, you find Emily looking at the photo of you and your sister. You walk slowly up to her and wrap your arms around her.

"I didn't know you have a sister."

"Had." You correct. "I just… didn't like to talk about it."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, she's happier where ever she is." You smile. "I was eleven, it just happened…"

"Spontaneous proclamations of love." You nod. "Jennifer I'm so sorry," She pulls you down into your lap and she holds you, that's when you break. The first time in so many years your able to cry, for your sister, your friends, the kids.


End file.
